Over the last 50 years ‘gender inequality’ has become an important consideration in development. My own involvement in gender in development started thirty years ago when I was working as young doctor in the Himalayan districts of what was then Uttar Pradesh, India. I realised that women’s reproductive health was deeply influenced by social customs. Women had to face many restrictions around menstruation and childbirth. Many women suffered from prolapse of the uterus, a condition in which the uterus, usually held in place inside the body by a set of ligaments which acted like ‘guy ropes’, started sagging because these ligaments had become loose. This was a direct outcome of women’s continuing workload, including immediately after childbirth. As a young and enthusiastic doctor, I advised women on how they could change the situation but I realised that this was easier said than done. Women had little decision about their own lives and how they lived it. There were layers of social control, starting with their mothers-in law right up to the temple priests and the elders of the village who were deeply concerned about pollution and desecration of sacred places if a woman having her periods happened to be there. This led to my own efforts of trying to build the self-image, confidence and collective aspiration of women in their homes and communities, a process we know as ‘empowerment’. These women started taking leadership not only for their own health and that of their children, but also in areas of income-generation and environmental conservation.
Twenty years ago, I shifted from the Himalayan region to the plains of Uttar Pradesh. Violence against women, especially domestic violence had emerged as a new area of concern in the development arena. I had become part of a larger state level advocacy coalition on the issue. A state level convention in Lucknow brought together over 3500 women from across the state. As part of the organising team my responsibility was to manage the food. From the side-lines of the kitchen tent I observed that there were around 100 men at this convention who had accompanied the women. Watching these men absorbed in listening to the discussions, but with no opportunity to participate, a colleague and I felt that there could be a better way to get men into the conversation. While domestic violence, concerned women and their rights and safety, men were what could be called the ‘elephant in the room’. We felt that there had to other ways to get men involved, other than encouraging and supporting women.
We started discussions with many of these first hundred or so men who had come to the women’s convention about what could men do differently , not just as encouragement to women but in their own lives and roles that they played in family and society. Through these discussions, men started drawing up lists of things they could do differently. First and foremost were the things that men could do in their homes. Starting from doing the bed, to fetching the water, to cutting the vegetables, these men started doing things which were assumed to be women’s work. Then these men started taking care of the smaller children, feeding them, getting ready for school, playing with them. At the same time we started a public campaign with a very simple message – ‘ Chuppi todo Hinsa roko’ which loosely translates as ‘We need to break the silence to stop the violence.’. The campaign required each man to take three resolutions. The first was that ‘I will not commit any violence’, the second ‘I will speak up when I see or learn of violence’ and thirdly ‘I will support the woman who is facing violence’. Through these simple messages we hoped to challenge the ‘conspiracy of silence’ which enabled and endorsed domestic violence and shake off the violence associated stigma which prevented women from speaking out against it. And soon a state-wide network called MASVAW (Men’s Action of Stopping Violence Against Women) took shape.
In the beginning we were not sure that these things would ‘sustain’, because a question we constantly faced comments and questions like ‘Come on it can’t be true!’ or ‘What is in it for men?’ or ‘Why would men give up their privileges?’ or even ‘What do women have to say about this?’. This meant we had to constantly interrogate and examine these changes. For the last fifteen years or more we have been conducting a series of studies to understand how and why men and boys can and should become engaged in ‘gender and development’ interventions across different states in India and in different domains. We have documented the results in different forms shared them across diverse platforms. Some of the lessons that we have distilled are as follows:
- Gender equality is not a competition. In order that gender equality succeeds as a social order, both women and men must gain from it. It cannot be a ‘victory’ for women and a ‘loss’ for men.
- Men also gain from gender equality. But these gains are not in the ‘visible’ public domain but in the more invisible but also important ‘personal’ domain. This is in the form of improved relationships with women in their family – their spouse, daughter, sister, mother. They also have more meaningful relationships with their ‘male’ friends. Men from different social groups across the country have counted this gain as the most achievement for them.
- It is important to develop an understanding of privilege and disadvantage at the same time.Patriarchy has historically created privileges for men and boys, but all men are not in positions of advantage or privilege all the time. They feel uncomfortable in their spaces of ‘disadvantage’ and can be sensitised to feel or empathise with the discomfort they cause in their own loved ones through their somewhat ‘uncaring’ behaviours. Men develop a sense of solidarity and shared aspiration with women in their families and a collaboration with other male colleagues.
- Men need their own groups to guide and support them in their process of change. This group becomes a space of sharing doubts and dilemma, mutual support as well as a forum for collective action. When men start changing their actions like fetching water or washing clothes they are often pushed back and ridiculed. Peer support is important to overcome this stage.
- When a group of men share a new understanding of social relationships, both with women and with other men they start taking public action for change. Actions that can support girls’ education, women’s participation in local governments or even for conservation action or income generation, start first by men taking responsibilities for domestic tasks which free women’s time to engage in these activities. Then men can also intervene in the relevant institutions to create more opportunities or reduce the existing hurdles. Public action is a sequel to personal action and is an essential indicator of the deep personal commitment to equality and change.
- Another feature which has been important for our work has been to relate it to work on women’s empowerment at the operational level as well as constantly take feedback from women’s rights activists during the design and review phases. This has enabled us not to lose sight of women’s empowerment which continues to be pivotal to all actions towards gender equality.
Over the years we have learnt that the way to achieve these results is not revolutionary and builds upon some of the earlier lessons that we all include in our development practice. These include mobilisation, consciousness raising as well as collective reflection and action. A key component is deep personal conviction among those who are part of the intervention that this is not just a public action but a part of their own belief system. Afterall ‘personal is political’ has been one of the first lessons in the field of gender equality and women’s rights and it remains relevant for this work with men as well. Today the need to engage men and boys within the work towards gender equality has been acknowledged and I hope the lessons that we have learnt from our work can also help others to close the loop.
Published in : Practice Insights Issue 15, March 2020
